Sat 3rd March, Heslington FC 0 - Huntington Rovers FC 2. Match Report by Nick James

In a tough fixture against the No 1 team in York, Heslington’s preparations for Saturdays game could not have been worse. Due to injuries, illnesses and spontaneous trips to Newcastle, The Heslington squad was reduced to a bare 11, leaving a sour taste in the managers mouth as he questioned some players commitment.

We opened up with a stubborn 4-5-1 formation, and though Huntington had an early penalty claim turned down, Heslington did start quite positively, and got behind the Huntington defence several times with some good running from Rhino and Jaymo. A moderately grumpy Coxon marshalled the back four well and Huntington struggled to break down the Heslington defence.

Things changed in the 20th minute when a collision of heads left Matt Birkitt with a sore head, concussion and a fractured clavicle (That’s the collar bone Casper). He will miss the rest of the season. Our thoughts are with his friends and family.

This unfortunate event left the Heso Boss in quite a predicament, as he turned to the dug out for a replacement only to find 4 empty chairs. After being turned down by Buck, all 6 Huntington Subs and 4 spectators, Babba finally found someone willing to come on to help out the Heslington 10. To the sound of the Rocky theme tune, Dave Scott came trundling out of the bushes in a Heslington strip. Scotty (also known as Thunder the ProAm English Wrestler) looked a fine figure in his Skimpy Football strip. Jaymo was delighted not to be the fattest guy on the pitch. Heso reverted to a 4-4-2, with Scotty (Heso’s No. 1 Fan) partnering the explosive Dickinson up front.

Gaps began to appear in the Heslington team as they began to looked stretched, and failed to keep possession. Scotty was battling hard up the field receiving little support from an increasingly frustrated Dicko. Huntington made the breakthrough on in the 32nd minute from a Laidlaw free kick. As the ball fell inside the box, Newby, Proctor and Coxon were all on a tea break, and all stood and watched Dyson take the ball down, take another touch and blast the ball past Guy Fawkes in the Heslington goal.

It was 2-0 after 40 minutes, after Fenton backed out of a 50:50 ball with his buddy Pate Laidlaw, who took a touch and curled the ball past Genty from 22 yards. Nice to see Fenno contributing to Huntington’s title bid. NEWFLASH – you won’t get a medal son.

HALF TIME 0-2

The 2nd half was a scrappy affair, the game opened up however poor passing in the final 3rd from both teams resulted in very limited chances at either end. Dyson had the chance to make it 3-0 after weaving through Coxon and Carlton, and going round Genty twice, the strikers shot was cleared off the line by Golden Balls Proctor.

Will Robertson came into life in the 2nd half, will some quality off the ball fouling. He was trying his best to fall out with all his old school mates, and I think he did a pretty good job. A Coxon header was all Heslington produced until Rhino hit the bar with a sweet left foot strike late on in the game.

The match ended with a Grade ‘A’ tantrum from Dicko 5 minutes from time. After being warned, the Heslington striker attempted to block the keepers kick out. The ref summoned him over, Dicko refused. Had to be pushed back to the referee by his own players, squared up to Proc, then took his yellow card and walked off embarrassing himself and his team mates. Dicko has now walked off the pitch and quit in 3 of Heslington’s last 5 matches. His walk-off rate is now higher than his goal to game ratio.

‘It’s a f**king joke man, that’s it, i’m not playing again.’ Dickinson 2007

York Leeper Hare League Representatives mounted a full inquiry after the game. Traces of heavy foot stomping were found in the Players tunnel, though no dummy has ever been found.

Overall Heslington’s performance was good, when nothing seemed to be going their way they held their own against a miss firing Huntington Rovers. Rovers maintain favourites to win the title, whilst Heslington slip back into the relegation zone following T & L Selbys win.

FULL TIME 0-2

MATCH RATINGS

GK Peter Gent 8

LB Simon Newby 8
CB Ben Coxon 8
CB Matt Birkitt Killed in Action
RB/CB Matt Carlton 6

LM Will Robertson 6
CM Ian Proctor 8
CM Nick James 7
AH Adam Hetherton 8
RM/RB Nick Fenton 7

CF Stu Dickinson 3
Fan/CF David Scott 5