Match 25 of Heslington’s season saw the Outganger’s travel to 4th placed Copmanthorpe, a team who had put 7 past us earlier in the season. With skipper Paul Clark locked away by his wife to celebrate his 44th Birthday, Peter ‘Big Bird’ Vince returned from Durham University to re-enforce the Heslington back four.
Heslington’s pre-match warm up was disrupted as several of the players were concerned about some small children trespassing on the railway lines. Having warmed up properly, it was no surprise Copmanthorpe started the brighter of the two sides, as they got behind Heslington with long balls over the full backs. Cop failed to take advantage of some early chances, but after 14 minutes an ‘air shot’ from Andy Lee let a ball through to the Cop winger who cut inside and put a poor cross into the keeper’s arms. Ben ‘the hands’ Willis spilt to ball and as he moved to dive on it the Cop striker stepped across him and without much assistance fell to the floor. His platoon style fall was convincing enough for the Ref who point to the spot from 64 yards away. Willis went the wrong way but the ball was well placed. 1-0 First blood Cop.
Heslington battled back into the game, and had chances to counter attack as Cop gave the ball away cheaply. Copmanthorpe’s aerial strength down the left wing was combated with a sything attack by Will Robertson. Cop’s silver haired winger hobbled to his feet, and within minutes had the chance to double Cop’s advantage, only to be double teamed by Big Willis and his nemesis Robertson. He left the field in pain, another victim for the Fiery Ginger Joch.
As the match approached halftime Heslington began to have chances, but with a 4-5-1 formation there was little support for Dickinson, and Heso failed to get numbers in the box when it mattered. Dicko the four goal hero from last week, put 4 balls over the railway line and Pete Vince headed a corner over the bar.
HALF TIME 1-0
At the start of the second half Copmanthorpe’s danger man Matty Bastock, having enjoyed plenty of space and time on the right, switched to the left wing, bemusing all players and the Cop crowd. “Coz he got no spare change from me like man” stated Lee. The real reason came to light after the game, meanwhile the Heso right back Robertson stood licking his lips as the second half started.
Heslington lifted their game and had a bit more fight in the second half. The centre back partnership of Vince and Coxon looked solid, and Proc and Newby took the game to Cop. Right winger Nick ‘Splinter’ Fenton turned up for the second half, that’s two weeks running the amateur film star has missed crucial matches to film scenes from his new movie TMNT (Out 4th July in a cinema near you!).
In the 73rd minute a penetrating run from Proc ended up with the Heso man being floored in the Copmanthorpe penalty area, and to the amazement of everyone on the pitch and sidelines the ref waved play on!! Heslington’s bench went ballistic! The Referees match report confirmed a bong was thrown at the linesman from the long grass behind the dugout, though television evidence proved inconclusive.
Helsington’s best chance came in the 77th minute, when a long range free kick from Nick James stung the keeper’s hands, the ball falling awkwardly for Si Newby who blazed over from close range. Then, as Heslington chased the game, super sub Casper Walters came on for Andy Lee up front. Within 5 minutes the pasty white striker turned in the Cop penalty area, the world seemed to stand still for a second, as a gun blast from the Copmanthorpe Sniper echoed around the ground. Children screamed as they watched Walters fly through the air, and then fall to the floor … motionless and pale. The referee had no option but to award a penalty, but the celebrations were overshadowed by the horrific injury. Paramedics stretchered him off, he is the 2nd Heslington player to be rushed into casualty inside a month. Luckily, he was treated and dascharged with just a muddy knee.
Play resumed and Simon Newby calmly slotted the ball into the bottom right hand corner. 1-1!! Heslington through men forward looking for a winner, but they were falling in numbers due to Rhino’s injury, then Jaymo sprained his ankle with a lame tackle in the dying minutes. Cop held on and the game finished one a piece.
FULL TIME 1-1
Most of the post match commentary focused on diving, but a formal complaint was made by Copmanthorpe on behalf of Matty Bastock. It became apparent that the Heso left back Andy Lee had confronted the pocket sized winger as the players left the field at half time. With the aid of television images (supplied by York TV) and professional lip reader Cyril Regis, we were able to examine just exactly what was said:-
A Lee:- ‘Well played mate, you had us a few times there like.’
Bastock:- ‘… oh yeah cheers.’
A Lee:- ‘Did I tell you I’m a Math’s teacher.’
Bastock:- ‘ … Err no mate?!’
A Lee:- ‘Yeah, St James’ Knaresborough. Ask me anything …’
Bastock:- ‘ … What? What you on about?’
A Lee:- ‘Logarithms, Algebra, Pythagerus ask me a question?’
Bastock:- ‘… about what? No!’
A Lee:- ‘Anything I’ll know the answer … Fancy a beer after the game’
Bastock:- ‘I need to get straight off…..’
A Lee:- ‘sure mate, no worries …….. Fancy being mates though??’
Bastock:- ‘F**K OFF YOU MENTALIST!’
No action is to be taken from the Leeper Hare League Committee, as bad chat is part and parcel of the modern day game.
Match Ratings
GK Ben Willis 8
LB Andy Lee 7
CB Peter Vince 9
CB Ben Coxon 9
RB Will Robertson 8
LM Simon Newby 8
CM Ian Proctor 8
CM Nick James 8
CM Adam Hetherton 7
RM Nick Fenton 7
CF Stu Dickinson 6
Sub Dan Walters 8
Read more
